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The Case of Oochie Johnson.

There are many things in life that I may never understand. For instance, why do people find it necessary to constantly flip me off while driving? I recently had ,what looked like, a 97-year-old women give me the middle finger while I was simply on my way to the nearest Olive Garden. I get it , I am a bad driver. I probably DID cut you off. But the intent was only to get to the nearest Olive Garden and enjoy a nice plate of Ravioli De Portobello and to get there as unharmed as possible. So if I DID cut you off, I apologize. But to raise your wrinkly, spotted finger at me and look at me with disgust in your eyes is enough to make a grown man cry, let alone a sixteen year old singer/dancer who wanted to BE a Bratz doll as a child. Other than the disgruntled elderly, another thing that I may never EVER understand is why thirty-something year old men want to be my Facebook friend. Case in point: Oochie Johnson.

Oochie Johnson is a man. A black man who enjoys the Cardinals baseball team and because I denied his friend request, that is all I will ever know about Oochie. If you don’t believe that this man exists, look him up on Facebook. Even I couldn’t make up a name like Oochie Johnson. Why might Oochie add me on Facebook? This is the question I asked myself before I clicked “deny” and I still have not answered that question. What entices an adult named Oochie Johnson to request my friendship? I realize that Facebook isn’t the “real world”, but when someone requests to be my “friend”, I imagine that they are a stranger in the street and that they come up to me and request to be my friend. Obviously this isn’t the case because I strongly believe that if Oochie Johnson was to be standing on the corner of a street in Sullivan and saw me, he would NEVER request to be my friend. Then why on earth would he do it through the internet?! I commend Oochie Johnson for attempting to extend a hypothetical olive branch, but I will politely say “no thank you.” Better luck next time Oochie

-Zac

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