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Text back or Choke.

People who don’t respond quickly/at all to text messages. This is the topic of my post today and possibly my biggest “pet peeve.” There is possibly nothing that pisses me off more than when I text someone and they take an hour and twenty minutes to respond.EVERY TIME. I am a magnet for people like this. They swarm to me like bees. Here is an example conversation. The times are estimated but sadly not exaggerated and the name’s changed to keep the jackass safe.

(9:00) Me: Hey. What’s up, I just got out of dinner theatre.

(9:48) Josh: Nada.

(9:50) Me: Well that sounds fun. Do you have plans for tonight.

(10:34) Josh: Nope

(10:37) Me: Well I will let you go, you don’t very enthused to talk to me.

(11:03) Josh: No, I’m fine. I want to talk.

(11:04) Me: Ok 🙂 Good.

(11:52) Me: Do you have a death wish?

(12:02) Josh: Huh? 

I don’t know if I blow things out of proportion but this infuriates me. He said he  was doing NOTHING. Why was he so busy, doing nothing, that he took forty-eight minutes to respond?! You may think that I am exaggerating for comedic effect, but sadly this happens to me constantly. I am apparently also a magnet for the people who give shitty excuses for why they can’t respond back to my text within a decent time. Here are a few examples of the excuses I have gotten:

1. “Sorry, I don’t have my phone on me all the time.” 

I don’t care if this is true, CHANGE IT. I don’t want to be able to watch four episodes of Paula Dean in the time it takes you to respond to ONE of my texts!

2. “I get busy a lot”

Um….please do not insult me and try to tell me that I don’t get busy. Somehow between Paula Dean and Maury, I find time to text you. I don’t let finding out the results of the paternity tests distract me from talking to you. So please do not give me the excuse of you are busy unless you are delivering a baby. And in that case, have one of the nurses text for you.

3. “I don’t like to text all day.”

This may be the worse excuse of them all. This is a more subtle approach to saying “I’m NOT busy, I just don’t want to talk to you.” and to this I usually respond. “Choke” 

All of these excuses mean nothing. I don’t care if you are painting your basement or having lunch with the pope, I want you to text me. Even worse than people who take a long time to respond, are the people who text and then abruptly stop for no given reason. Here is another example conversation. Again, not exaggerated. Sadly.

(4:30) Alex: Have you seen that new movie yet?

(4:32) Me: What new movie?

(4:36) Alex: Bridesmaids

(4:40) Me: Oh, ya. It was really good. You?

(5:20) Me: Hello?

(5:43) Me: Did you drown?

(6:04) Me: Choke.

This happens to me ALL THE TIME, it’s ridiculous. If you have to stop texting for ANY reason, here are some sample texts that you should have the courtesy to send:

“Hey, my grandma just fell and broke her hip. I have to go to the ER. I will text you once I get to the waiting room. Promise.”

“Hey, I’m on the lake and our boat crashed. Don’t worry, only a few of us are badly injured. I will text you as soon as they find my hand. I think it’s on shore somewhere.”

These texts show that you CARE and want to talk to me. I need this constant reassurance. Get over it.

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