Confession of the morning: I am selectively gullible. I choose when I want to believe something and when I want to recognize that it’s bullshit. For most people, I assume that they don’t make a choice on when they want to believe something. I imagine that in their minds, they just believe something or don’t.
But in my warped mind, I make a solid choice to benefit my feelings. Which is why I strongly believe that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You can try to hurt my feelings, but good freakin’ luck. If you tell me that you don’t want to talk to me, I am going to make up a story in my head that goes something like “Their mom probably saw that my nose is constantly red and thinks I am doing some sort of drugs instead of just highly allergic to the Earth. She most likely told him that he can’t talk to anyone that she thinks is a crack-head and therefore he told me he didn’t want to talk anymore to spare me the knowledge of his mom thinking I sell my body for crank.”
See, he was ACTUALLY saving me from a world of hurt. This is how my mind works. Doesn’t it sound psychotic? Deep down I obviously know that what I am telling myself is a lie, but at that time and THAT moment, I believe it.
What is REALLY sad is that later in life, I will find myself forgetting whether what I told myself was real or make-believe. I will be creeping Facebook and come across the same guy that months ago I had talked to and think, “I wonder if he ever told his mom that I wasn’t addicted to cocaine.” I will then sit and wonder…did that really happen?
These are things that people go to therapy for.
Another instance where I will trick myself into bullshit is a time when I talked to a guy that for obvious reasons I will call “Jack”.
Jack seemed nice until the day that he took a nap. He had always been decent at texting back within a reasonable time. Until the day he took a nap. The exact text that I got before the nap was as follows:
“Going to take a quick nap, text you when I wake up”
Three months later and Jack is still napping. Jack has gone into hibernation. Someone needs to go wake Jack up, I kind of miss talking to him. Once again, my mind refuses to believe that he isn’t sleeping right now. At some point in time, hopefully in the near future, Jack is going to wake up and send me a cheerful text saying, “Damn, I feel REALLY refreshed. Sorry I took so long, my alarm must have gotten turned off. How have you been? :)” and to that I will respond “I have been great :)”