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If looks could kill.

In only 16 years of life, I have received enough dirty looks to kill a person. Whether it is the driver that I am passing, the lady at the check out counter, or the couple in the Denny’s booth next to me, they ALL find it necessary to scold me. Listen, I am a NICE FREAKIN’ PERSON. I smile at passing children, am polite to old people, donate a dollar when they ask me to at McDonald’s, and yet I constantly get looks that make me want to cry…..a LOT. 

I admit that I may get a little rambunctious at times. I act crazy but it is ALWAYS in a happy manner. In “fine establishments” like Wal-Mart or Dollar Tree I try my best to maintain my maturity, but it is like a wonderland. All those years of my mom making me hold onto the cart has made me rebel. Now when I am let loose in a Wally World I act like an animal. Thanks, mom.

Although I act a bit insane, I try to always treat the employees with respect. They don’t deserve to clean up a silly string fight in aisle 13, so I will occasionally clean up after myself. I am rarely rude to restaurant employees because I could never do their job and be nice to rude people. But I do NOT feel sorry for you when you are rude from “Hello.” I don’t care if you don’t like that I am wearing a Santa hat into Steak n’ Shake. I also don’t care that Christmas was four months ago. Please refrain from scolding me and calling me immature. Because in the end all that gets you is a penny and cough drop tip and a LOT of requests. Suddenly when you are rude to me I need every condiment known to man at my arms reach. Because you acted like an ass, I would like honey mustard, barbecue sauce, ketchup, regular mustard, hot sauce, salsa, and pickles. ALL in individual cups with lids. I don’t care if you have to hand press my pickles into a plastic two-inch Dixie cup.

DON’T BE AN ASS.

Another instance where I get too many dirty looks is while driving. I will often do silly things while driving to places like Mattoon and Decatur that I think might make someone’s day. If a 16-year-old boy looked out  a Ford Taurus window and proceeded to act like a newborn kitten, it would brighten my day. So at a red light I will often look across to the vehicle next to me and lick my pretend paws and give them the occasional “meow.” However, I have learned that the experience is VERY awkward if both vehicles have their windows down. The fact that you can actually HEAR me purr and meow makes it a much more uncomfortable experience.

My car antics often get me nothing but glares and the naughty finger. Would you flip off a baby kitten?!

Keep your fingers and death looks to yourself ma’am.

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