Posted on

Keep your hands off my couch!

I am an addict. Soon I will enter a recovery program for people with my type of issues. I am addicted to reality tv.

Correction: I am addicted to the show Freaky Eaters.

If you have ever seen this program, you probably have the same addiction. Basically, the show is about random people around America that have an addiction to eating food. But more importantly, sometimes it isn’t food they eat. For example, I recently watched an episode about a woman who only consumed cheesy potatoes. This was the only thing she EVER ate. She never ate a pickle, or the occasional cracker, she ONLY ATE CHEESY FREAKIN’ POTATOES. Once the show introduces the character, they try to diagnose them with what their problem actually is. My thinking is pretty simple. I would diagnose this woman with fat, crazy-ass woman disease. But no, they have to find the “deep” meaning of her food addiction. This certain woman ate a piece of ham when she was four years old. The ham in question made her puke. This led her to believe that the only food that wouldn’t make her puke would be cheesy potatoes.

Who thinks like this?! This woman was obviously a nutjob and these “therapists” bought it. They made her do all of these crazy exercises and constantly reminded her that she ate around a small village size of potatoes a day. In one “exercise” they made her look at a pile of potatoes and bags of cheese. This represented the amount of cheesy potatoes that this woman ate in four months.


This is the actual woman picking up what she eats in four-months. It makes me want to laugh, puke, and cry all at the same time. All of these aspects of the show are hilarious, but possibly my favorite part is when they come back to visit her six months later. When I used to watch Intervention, I would always be anxious to find out if the person relapsed after treatment. I would always cross my fingers and hope that they were clean and that their lives were back to normal. When I watch this show, it’s the opposite. I think all of this “treatment” is bullshit and I secretly hope that she will be back to her cheesy potato lifestyle. Sure enough, in six months they come back to her sitting in her kitchen with a bowl of cheesy potatoes. Apparently she couldn’t just let them go forever. But she eats lettuce occasionally so all is well.

The cheesy potato woman is pretty entertaining, but nothing can top the people who eat things that aren’t food. My all time favorite nutjob-addict was a woman who ate her couch cushions. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. COUCH CUSHIONS!

I saw the commercial for it about a week before it premiered. All it showed was a woman sitting on her couch picking at the insides of the cushions and eating them. I obviously was VERY interested in this woman’s issues and tuned in the next week to watch this wreck of a female eat her own couch. Sadly, it was all the same. She was tested and then showed how unhealthy her eating habits were. This astounded me. YOU ARE EATING YOUR COUCH!!! How healthy could this habit be? I have never seen “couch cushion” on the menu at Denny’s. Therefore, it isn’t for breakfast, lunch, OR dinner!  All I kept thinking was, “I hope this lady doesn’t get her furniture from Rent-A-Center.”

This is the woman showing off the inside of her couch cushions. If I were her, I would just say I had mice.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s