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The one with the annoying talkers

I can not stop people from talking to me. I love talking, trust me. But, when I want to stop…I am stuck. Trapped. If you have ever talked to me, you would never guess that I have this issue. I am usually a pretty forward person. When it comes to my close friends, I tell them exactly how I feel. I don’t watch my wording or try to sound caring, I say it bluntly. I am usually carefree about how people perceive me and yet I can not shut someone up.

I am sure you have all had this problem at some point in your life. There are just moments when someone is talking and there is no way you can possibly stop them. This issue comes in many forms.

One of these forms is where a person is talking about something that you don’t care about. I am a polite person. I  can’t just look at someone and say, “Shut the hell up. I don’t care about what you are saying. You have wasted my oxygen space and my time. Good day ma’am.” No matter how much I don’t care about the topics that people talk to me about, I don’t know how to get out of them. Strangers trap me in meaningless conversations on a regular basis. It has gotten to the point where I just look at them and walk away. I have found that just turning around and never looking back is the best way to handle this issue. But remember, if you know the person, this isn’t going to work. Walking away from a friend/family member just results in an angry Facebook message saying, “Thanks for being an asshole while I was telling you about my shopping trip.”

The second form is when a person is talking about something that you have absolutely no knowledge of. There are times when a person, usually someone you hardly know, asks if you know about a random current event, and in order to not look like a complete idiot…you just have to quietly say, “yes.” This becomes an issue itself. If the person continues to talk about the topic, which they surely will, you have the option of just standing and nodding or just agreeing verbally. For example, recently I went to the bank to cash a check. Bank tellers are TERRIBLE at creating useless conversation. Listen lady, I am not going to see you until I come in again to cash another check. You don’t have to ask me if I am excited for school to start and you don’t have to quiz me on the latest CNN coverage of the Casey Anthony case. The last time I cashed a check, the woman took a while to type things in; this is where the annoying conversation starts.

“So…did you hear about the recent evidence in the Casey Anthony case?” I looked at her in confusion. This is a bank. That is a personal question. Why didn’t she just ask me what my favorite sexual position was? For all she knew, I could be a nazi. There is bank etiquette and clearly this chick had none. I practically need flash cards to go to the bank now. That day I didn’t know what the new evidence was, even though I had kept pretty well up to date with the case. I didn’t want to look like an idiot, so I just said, “Yah. It’s disgusting.” and got the hell out of there.

The third, and last, form is when someone is talking to you and you have to be somewhere. Usually you can simply say, “Hey, I have to peace out. Dinner is ready at home.” But, what happens when you can’t cut a person off? I have had conversations with people where they literally NEVER pause. I sit, listening intently for them to take a breath. One small breath is all I need to slip my small little sentence in and get the hell out of that dungeon of a convo. That breath is my key to getting in my car and peacing out. But they NEVER take a breath. You would think I am acquaintances with olympic swimmers. Finally, I resort to crazy hand motions. Does this person realize that she is talking to someone? I am practically punching this bitch in the face and she STILL doesn’t pause or breathe. Once I am to the point where my arms and legs are tired from constant flailing, I have no other choice but to just stand up, turn around, and walk away. That bitchy Facebook wall post will be worth the hours of conversation I just saved myself from. That bitch can complain about her boyfriend some other time. THIS betch is hungry.

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