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Don’t tell me about your problems!

As a strong believer in calling instead of texting, I often find myself in conversations that should only last a couple of minutes but somehow last for hours. Phones are a trap for awkward situations. There are so many ways to get out of these situations but often times, people don’t know how to use them. Here is a list of ways to get off the phone with someone in a timely manner:

1. The Houdini. The number one way to sneak out of a conversation is to pretend that something really terrible just happened. The trick with this technique is to not give too many details. The conversation should end something like this:

Annoying Person: So…I am trying to decide what color to dye my hair. It’s really making me upset. What do you think?

You: I don’t know…maybe you should go with the….AHHHHHHHH! HOLY SHIT!! OH MY GOD!! SHIT SHIT SHIT! >click

Annoying Person: Hello?

This is such as easy way to end a convo for many reasons. If they call you again, you don’t even have to answer. They will automatically assume that you are still dealing with your emergency. It is the Houdini of phone conversations….perfectly fine one second then disappeared the next.

2. Bad Reception. This is possibly the oldest way to get out of annoying conversations. Practically everyone has used this trick sometime in their lives. Because everyone knows that it is an easy way to get off the phone, it is practically impossible to make people believe that you aren’t faking it. The best way to utilize the “bad reception trick” is to never hang up. Don’t ever try to make your voice sound like static! This is a dead giveaway that your ass is a liar. Instead, while the person on the other line is in the middle of a story just start talking instead. NEVER PAUSE. Pretend that you can’t hear anything on the other end. NOTHING. It should sound like this:

Annoying Person: ….He is such an asshole. I don’t know why I put up with it. Do you think I’m better than that? Am I as annoying as he says? I don’t think he appreciates everything I do when…….

You: (cutting off other person) So I went to the doctor the other day and I was sitting in the waiting room and there was the cutest guy so I…..

Annoying Person: (attempting to cut you off) Hey! Wait, I wasn’t done yet….

You: (without a pause) ….got up and sat next to him. He asked my name and everything and I gave him my number.

 

This usually only works with that friend that only cares about her problems. Make sure to never do this to an actual friend because they will genuinely care about what you have to say and then you are stuck talking for another hour. If you use this on a friend who still wants to tell her story, she will eventually just hang up. As long as you never stop talking, the annoying conversation will end. 

3. The Click. Sometimes things get desperate and our ears can no longer hear the obnoxious stories from people we obviously don’t care about. This is where the last trick comes in handy. When you finally can’t take it anymore, there is nothing else to do but hang up. The only way this works is if when you hang up, you continue to hang up. The person that you are talking to WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. If you hang up on them, they will just call you back. You must hang up on them again if you want this to work. The mean voicemail will be worth the time you will have saved yourself.

Sometimes we don’t want to hear other people bitch about their problems and because we are so f’in polite, we can’t tell them to shut the hell up. This is where these tricks come in handy. A disconnected phone call is always better than the words, “SHUT THE HELL UP BITCH!”

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One response to “Don’t tell me about your problems!

  1. totally true. some girl wandered up to me the other day and asked me if i thought she should go home and change her shorts. erm, i dont know, or care?!

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